Friday, January 15, 2010

grief


To continue yesterday's blog-o-drama...

My grandfather Oscar helped raise me. He and my grandmother Lorene made a place for me in their home and in their lives when I was about 2 or 3 years old. Really, I should just say they raised me, because ultimately that is the long and short of it. I could get into my parents' divorce, re-marriages, custody, visitation, blah, blah, blecccchhh! But the important thing here is that Oscar and Lorene Andrews took care of me when I needed them most.

In March it will have been 2 years since we lost grandma. Right now my grandpa is in the hospital, and has been there for more than 2 weeks. Initially the issue was Pancreatitis, but now the list is a mile long. He has been sedated and on a ventilator for more than 7 days. Last Saturday my husband, dear children, and I went to say our goodbyes. I don't really even know if grandpa heard us. My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose grandpa, but in my heart, I feel he is already gone.

So this is the reason for my freak-out. My stress level is high right now. I want to rely on Jesus to get us through this difficult time. I want to keep on living my life in a way that shows I have faith that God is in control. I want to trust that God knows what he is doing, and I don't have to know what He is doing. (I guess He doesn't need my help on this one.) Imagine that.

Through all of this, my wonderful husband has been listening to and sharing with my mom. You know, about God things. Jesus stuff. While I was off crying over Grandpa, and fretting that he's been on kidney dialysis for MANY days, Danny was trying to help my mom with her faith.

There are many more details I could fill in, but ultimately I just want to be living my life in a way that shows I trust God with all the details. It's that simple.

1 comment:

Jim said...

Layla,

It seems clear to me that your writing and actions seem to be sending that message.
I know that if I didn't know any differently, that the way you act at Park indicates you are a happy person with no problems. And, I believe that is how your students view things even at this difficult time for you personally.

We all have our own ways of dealing with the trials and tribulations of life, and it seems clear that you have your vision of life and that vision should help through this episode in your life and other episodes in life. Keep those thoughts in mind when looking forward!

Okay, this has been overly positive and not even any Dr. Phil analogies/references:)