oooohhhhh noooo!

drink me

EAT ME

love me

Lent is upon us. Or lint as some little person in our home referred to it not so long ago. This is really making me nuts. Rather my nuttiness is compounded by the cravings for sweets. Chocolate chunk cookies, mommy's minty hot-cocoa with a twist, and reese's cups are dancing over my head like some deranged movie theatre snack-bar commercial.

the song goes something like this:

let's all go to the lobby (3x)

and get ourselves a snack

As far as I am aware, the Wesleyan doctrine isn't too pushy about observing Lent. Growing up in a super evangelical, borderline legalistic congregation, I can't recall ever hearing a sermon about the Lenten season. Some of this still new to me. I'm working it out as I go.

Why am I doing this? At any given moment I will have a fresh reason for you. I want to honor Jesus' sacrifice. I want to rely fully on God to meet my needs. I don't want to use food to soothe myself. I want to prove that I can do this.

I am currently at the stage of denying myself the treats, but not quite allowing God to speak to me. I'm still trying just to ignore the cravings rather than spend time in prayer. Why do I insist upon making this so difficult? How is it that I keep missing the point?

i welcome any wise words and input you may have to send my way :)

followers? really? for me?

feelin' a bit guilty here. just noticed i have more than 2 followers. wow. thanks. gee, i don't really know what to say.

i don't have any brilliant academic theories to share. no magic solutions for your misplaced learner or your misguided coworker.

last week i taught my 9 year old to use the sewing machine. we made some simple polka-dot scarves. but i don't even have a tutorial for you. oops.

i've given up sweets for lent, so you won't find any dessert recipes here until after easter.

i promise i'll have something brilliant-- or at least worthwhile to share on this little blog very soon. very. soon. i promise. :)

maybe we should re-do the alphabet

hello all of you who misplace the apostrophe

though you don't know who you are, or you'd quit doing it

the letter S does not automatically need an apostrophe. trust me. leave the darn apostrophe alone. he's tired. worn out. bushed. beat. overworked. underpaid.

i'm not giving you a grammar/spelling lesson. you haven't paid attention thus far; i doubt you'd get it now.

just watch yourselves, ok?

i am watchin' you!

holding my bookmark

it's a bit slow-going, but i'm reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. This book was translated from French (to English, duh) and is now available in paperback. So far i'm really liking it. maybe i'm late to the party and all of you already know about this and have formed an opinion. this book caught my eye at B&N a few months back, and i couldn't get it out of my head. not wanting to make a purchase without a recommendation, i commandeered my neighbor to pick up a copy at one of the many libraries she haunts. (i have my own PLAC card, but none of "my" libraries showed a copy in their collection...)

anyhoo, i'll keep you posted on my progress and thoughts from this highly-acclaimed novel

wonder and confusion

good morning dear reader. tomorrow danny and i will visit my grandfather in the hospital. again. yes, i know, i've already said my goodbyes, but maybe grandpa hasn't. i can't even give you a clear update on his status. earlier this week the ventilator was removed, and grandpa breathed independently. amazing! wonderful! my hopes are not up; i really don't know what to think or how to feel. bewildered. i'll go with bewildered. and a bit grateful.

grief

To continue yesterday's blog-o-drama...

My grandfather Oscar helped raise me. He and my grandmother Lorene made a place for me in their home and in their lives when I was about 2 or 3 years old. Really, I should just say they raised me, because ultimately that is the long and short of it. I could get into my parents' divorce, re-marriages, custody, visitation, blah, blah, blecccchhh! But the important thing here is that Oscar and Lorene Andrews took care of me when I needed them most.

In March it will have been 2 years since we lost grandma. Right now my grandpa is in the hospital, and has been there for more than 2 weeks. Initially the issue was Pancreatitis, but now the list is a mile long. He has been sedated and on a ventilator for more than 7 days. Last Saturday my husband, dear children, and I went to say our goodbyes. I don't really even know if grandpa heard us. My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose grandpa, but in my heart, I feel he is already gone.

So this is the reason for my freak-out. My stress level is high right now. I want to rely on Jesus to get us through this difficult time. I want to keep on living my life in a way that shows I have faith that God is in control. I want to trust that God knows what he is doing, and I don't have to know what He is doing. (I guess He doesn't need my help on this one.) Imagine that.

Through all of this, my wonderful husband has been listening to and sharing with my mom. You know, about God things. Jesus stuff. While I was off crying over Grandpa, and fretting that he's been on kidney dialysis for MANY days, Danny was trying to help my mom with her faith.

There are many more details I could fill in, but ultimately I just want to be living my life in a way that shows I trust God with all the details. It's that simple.

waiting

This post is begging to be written and pleading to be ignored.

I have been pondering this post for more than a week, and I guess that now is as good a time as any to pour it out. All over blogland. Eww.

Can a person's faith be measured by the way the act/react during trials and hard times? Is the proportion of my trust in God directly related to how freaked out and worked up I get about stuff? Am I exposing my lack of faith by lamenting and whining? What should be saying/doing instead of fussing and worrying?

ok. need to think about this some more. will finish later.