holding my bookmark

it's a bit slow-going, but i'm reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. This book was translated from French (to English, duh) and is now available in paperback. So far i'm really liking it. maybe i'm late to the party and all of you already know about this and have formed an opinion. this book caught my eye at B&N a few months back, and i couldn't get it out of my head. not wanting to make a purchase without a recommendation, i commandeered my neighbor to pick up a copy at one of the many libraries she haunts. (i have my own PLAC card, but none of "my" libraries showed a copy in their collection...)

anyhoo, i'll keep you posted on my progress and thoughts from this highly-acclaimed novel

wonder and confusion

good morning dear reader. tomorrow danny and i will visit my grandfather in the hospital. again. yes, i know, i've already said my goodbyes, but maybe grandpa hasn't. i can't even give you a clear update on his status. earlier this week the ventilator was removed, and grandpa breathed independently. amazing! wonderful! my hopes are not up; i really don't know what to think or how to feel. bewildered. i'll go with bewildered. and a bit grateful.

grief

To continue yesterday's blog-o-drama...

My grandfather Oscar helped raise me. He and my grandmother Lorene made a place for me in their home and in their lives when I was about 2 or 3 years old. Really, I should just say they raised me, because ultimately that is the long and short of it. I could get into my parents' divorce, re-marriages, custody, visitation, blah, blah, blecccchhh! But the important thing here is that Oscar and Lorene Andrews took care of me when I needed them most.

In March it will have been 2 years since we lost grandma. Right now my grandpa is in the hospital, and has been there for more than 2 weeks. Initially the issue was Pancreatitis, but now the list is a mile long. He has been sedated and on a ventilator for more than 7 days. Last Saturday my husband, dear children, and I went to say our goodbyes. I don't really even know if grandpa heard us. My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose grandpa, but in my heart, I feel he is already gone.

So this is the reason for my freak-out. My stress level is high right now. I want to rely on Jesus to get us through this difficult time. I want to keep on living my life in a way that shows I have faith that God is in control. I want to trust that God knows what he is doing, and I don't have to know what He is doing. (I guess He doesn't need my help on this one.) Imagine that.

Through all of this, my wonderful husband has been listening to and sharing with my mom. You know, about God things. Jesus stuff. While I was off crying over Grandpa, and fretting that he's been on kidney dialysis for MANY days, Danny was trying to help my mom with her faith.

There are many more details I could fill in, but ultimately I just want to be living my life in a way that shows I trust God with all the details. It's that simple.

waiting

This post is begging to be written and pleading to be ignored.

I have been pondering this post for more than a week, and I guess that now is as good a time as any to pour it out. All over blogland. Eww.

Can a person's faith be measured by the way the act/react during trials and hard times? Is the proportion of my trust in God directly related to how freaked out and worked up I get about stuff? Am I exposing my lack of faith by lamenting and whining? What should be saying/doing instead of fussing and worrying?

ok. need to think about this some more. will finish later.

teach mama: a scared and lonely bear: predicting

teach mama: a scared and lonely bear: predicting

pop over here for some great ideas :)

good ideas

hello again friends. all 6 of you. you are important to me. thanks for taking time to follow my simple blog.

pop over to the "where i lurk" blog list on the right side of my blog...

these are splendid blogs for creative learning activities ---

teachmama

the write start

and a new one added to my list... Lavender and Limes not so much for direct instruction strategies, but for the luscious visuals this lady has recently returned from an extended stay in India. her photographs are superb. these could be used as a great starter for writing assignments.

i found this photo from a site called blissfully domestic (?)

by googling "kids write"...just really like the image

stop freaking out and do your job

Right now I should be cleaning up the kitchen. I cooked dinner yesterday. And dessert. Do I really need to further explain? Chicken casserole and Reese's cup ice cream dessert. It took a few minutes to find the coffee maker. (how do you find said coffee maker without actually having the coffee first?)

As I have previously mentioned, I am a title 1 aide in our local elementary. Additionally I tutor 2 afternoons each week for 2 hrs. Have you spent any time with 5 yr. olds after 7 hours of school--for 2 more hours by yourself? You need a snack, lots of potty (and poo) breaks. A sense of humor, a snack for yourself and then some GREAT lesson plans individually designed for each child are other necessary ingredients.

Our daughter Chloe reminded me of something very important yesterday on our way home from an early dismissal. Think SNOW, SNOW, SNOW. Think mid-calf deep fluffy white stuff. Lovely, delightful, gorgeous, and messy. Alrighty, back to the actual story. Chloe asked me how I'm liking the title 1 position (she's 9). Before I could respond she pressed further; isn't it better to see lots of different kids every day the way you do, rather than a regular classroom teacher who sees the same kids? ALL DAY. EVERY DAY. This child is rather articulate. Maybe I should give a bit of background here.

I attended IWU from 1992-1994

Married (eloped) 95

re-enrolled around 96 or 97 (it's been too long)

first kid june '98

stayed at home

some babysitting

second kid '00

still at home

2004-2006 substitute teaching LOVED IT!

Fall 2006 re-enrolled at IWU, teacher education program

April 2009 graduated with a bachelor's degree in elem. edu.

Aug. 09 to present title 1 aide

ok, now that you have my abbreviated resume, you can understand that the elem. edu. degree was a long time coming. Many sleepless nights. Very very good days of student teaching. Some really AWFUL days of student teaching.

All that to say, now that I have the degree, shouldn't I be just chomping at the bit to get my own classroom? Shouldn't I be beating down doors of superintendents all over the county? Well, some days, that is exactly what I feel like doing. Granted I just really want to stay in our school district. Really very much so.

I love my job. Not just like it a little bit. I really love it! I have the opportunity to help so many students every day. I love the small group setting, and when I get to work with a child one-on-one, well that is just about the best thing ever. I love finding specific ways to help individual students. So why do I get so antsy over finding a classroom position? Part of my issue is that I put forth a lot of time and effort to earn my degree. Time away from my family, stress, money. Lots of driving, lots of fancy clothes purchased for ST. Did I really do all that just to have a 7hr/day job? But this isn't just a job. It is a daily opportunity to meet the educational needs of multiple children every day.

Patience. Trust. Faith. I need to stop freaking out and just do my job. I need to trust God that he opened the door for the title 1 position, and when He is ready, and when I have shown that I am ready, He will open the door for me to have my own classroom. That could be 1 year, it could be 5. While I wait, I will not just be 'waiting'. I will be doing my very best to help every student with whom I work.